irst time waltzing into the peelers can be a bit intimidating or even the least bit awkward. Some of us like myself enjoy a good strip joint, nothing hits home like a drink and a dance as we say at the office here. Over the years of dawning my shadow through the doors of strip clubs all across the planet you learn a few things my sons. Certain behaviour in the club for one isn't cool or secondly you just look like a complete moron.
If you did not notice there is entertainment happening in front of you, naked entertainment we may add. Sorry to break it to you but entertainment in 2020, well shit costs money. Crazy right? Don't be the prick sitting sniffers row and the moment it's time to toss some tips on stage you suddenly have to piss. That my friends is a loser move and we don't condone of this behavior. You don't need to break the bank but tossing a fiver on stage shows you appreciate the show.
Insider Tip on Tipping: Small change is like a small dick, keep that shit in your pants no wants it.
It's NOT A Whore House
Now some of you stroll into these joints thinking your Rico Suave of smooth talking the ladies. Homeboy, ya ain't no where close. Don't be the dip shit in there thinking you can convince these girls into stroking the johnson for some extra shillings. Does it happen? of course it does I'm not that stupid. What I am saying is trying to swindle a lapper into a hand job proves what a stunned prick you are.
Now I have been to clubs in destinations like Cabo San Jose, Mexico where the club is doubles as a bordello and you can actually pay for sex but here in Alberta not exactly a strong move. Unless your ass wants to look like Jazzy Jeff on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air getting hummed out the front door.
Depending where you are in the world everywhere is different. Shit some places is no touching and other well you can full on finger dip (i.e Cabo *heard from a friend ya know). Be mindful of your location and the rules, some these girls don't play and that 2 hour buy out you just got lasted 3 minutes costing you a fistful of cash, which you deserve if you neanderthal ass can't refrain from touching a bare set of tits.
Relax, They're Just Working
I am all about a persons hustle, no matter what line of work you fall under. We are all about to collect a check and honestly how you get it is none of my goddamn business. So when a dancer walks up and asks if you want to go for a dance kindly say "No thanks I'm just here to watch the shows and have a few drinks with the fellas" not that hard is it? To go off a tangent about some bullshit to damper the room is a immature way of dealing with a simple interaction. She's there to work and make some dollars, you know that same shit you do every week to week.
Insider Tip: Not being a complete dickhead costs you nothing at all believe it not!
Strip clubs are fun environment, I understand they are not for everyone and that's fine. But granted you do end up in a club, fuckin' relax. We are all human beings trying to collect a few shillings in the bank while the overlord government taxes us all to death. So have some fun unwind, most dancers I've encountered have a great sense of humor and don't hate sharing a laugh with the customers in the club. Plus you might even land yourself a shot of whiskey complimentary of these fine performers just for being a rad dude inside of the club.
Uncle Hack (Instagram)